Control
I am little. I exercise control by freezing myself. If I want a certain outcome, I stay still. “Things are going well. Don’t move.” But, then, sometimes things didn’t go so well. So, I think “Maybe I should move.”
It’s complex. Sometimes, I think if I move, things will change. In a bad way. So, I freeze. I don’t know why. I just know that it’s better to stay put. I am like a little horse in a burning barn. “It’s warm.” “You’re going to die in there.” “That’s okay. I’ll be okay.”
You can’t stay put in water, really. If you stay put there, you’ll drown. Unless you’re on a floating device. Then it’s okay. When I learn to swim I am almost twelve. I learn that for things to happen, to stay afloat, I have to move around a lot. So, I fidget. I begin to never sit still. I am constantly going. I do this to make things happen, to stay afloat. So that they’re good.
Then I figure things out, a little, take a deep breath, open my eyes under water. It’s hard to see things underwater without goggles. So, I learn to put on different goggles. Suddenly, voila, I emerge.
1 year ago - read more...
